Two nights ago, my stepson got all mad about his $10 being unattainable. So, he took off walking - at 12:30 am. He finally came back around 8 or 9 pm last night. In the meantime, I had responded to his statement about focusing on fires and being by himself so much because he was bored. Here is the letter:
Last night you said you were bored. I believe it! It seems like all you do is wake up, walk to fire pit and figure out ways to make fire burn... then finally crash at midnight or so. That would make anyone bored after a while! So, while you were being pissed off last night and stomping around the house I thought of some things that could help you fight boredom in a constructive way while you wait for an appointment with Northside.
Find a schedule and stick with it. It could look something like this;
0800 - Get up.
0815 - Walk around the neighborhood - a few times. (While you are walking, think about something good that has happened to you in the past.)
0900 - Shower.
0930 - Eat a good breakfast.
1000 - Write down the thing that you were thinking about during your walk. (In a blog, in a file on the computer, on paper, somewhere!)
1030 - Read a newspaper. (There are many newspapers online: NY Times, Atlanta Journal Constitution, etc) Don't just read the sports section, read the whole thing. Learn something new. Learn a new word. Research a person that you read about in the news. Find out who they are, what makes them tick, why they are in the news. In what ways are you like them? In what ways are you different from them?
1130 - Write down what you learned. Use the new word you learned in your writing. Write about your opinion about a news item that you read.
1230 - Take a break and eat a light lunch.
1330 - Search job postings for different kinds of jobs - these can also be found on the internet. If you find a job that you know nothing about, research it. Find out what it takes to become that person. What does that person actually do on the job?
1400 - write down what you learned about the job.
1500 - Take a break and contemplate. What would be the steps you would need to take to go from where you are now to having the job you researched? (Don't worry about whether you think it is something you could or would do. Just do the exercise.)
1530 - Write down what you think the steps should be.
1600 - Read what you wrote yesterday. Revise if you want.
1700 - Take a break and contemplate. Think of something that you have done in the past that you wish you had not done or that you wish you had done differnetly. Think about what the situation was, what you would do if you could go back and change it, what you would do if the same situation came up again.
1730 - Write about it.
Evening - Watch a little TV. Hold a conversation with us about what you found that day in the news. Interact with us on some level.
2300 - sleep.
When I say write, I don't mean write like someone is going to come along behind you and read what you are writing. Write for yourself. Do it in a place that you don't have to worry about us finding it. What you write is yours, not ours. There are many places on the Internet which would give you a safe and anonymous place to write. No one has to know that it is you writing. What you write doesn't have to be perfect or even interesting to the world. It is
only a place for you to say what's on your mind. http://www.blogger.com is a pretty good place to create an anonymous blog. There are others.
Stop selling yourself short. Don't aim for a menial job that just gets you by each day and will bore you to tears. Think big! Don't be afraid to fail. Failure gives you a chance to see what you did wrong and fix it. Write about it.
Understand that you are a person worthy of respect. Respect yourself and learn to respect others. Find a positive thing about yourself every day. Write about it.
Think about how the world appears from other people's perspectives. Why do they act the way they do? Try to understand your mom. Try to understand your brothers. Try to understand me. By learning through the actions of others you can get a better understanding of yourself. Write about it.
Learn patience. Learn love. Learn forgiveness. Learn respect. Learn happiness. Learn to be inspired by others. Learn greatness. Learn humility. Learn to ask for forgiveness. Write about it.
Visit wikipedia.org, visit dictionary.com, find a joke every day. Read someone else's blog. Read a book. There are even places on the Internet where you can read a book... for free! gutenberg.org is one such place.
Learn to whittle. Learn to paint. Learn how a gyroscope works. Learn how to navigate using the stars. Learn the difference between port side and starboard side.
There are many, many, many things to do with your time other than sitting around worrying about a fire in the back yard wondering what you are going to do in the future. Or who's doing what to you. Basically sitting around dwelling on negative things. Turn this around and think about positive things!
And last but not least, know that I love your mom more than anything in the world. More than computers even! And she loves you even though you may not think that is true sometimes. Because you are part of her, I love you too. Because I love you, I want to see you succeed. Succeed in finding happiness with yourself, with your life. And finding that path to happiness starts with getting help for those thoughts that keep you awake for days at a time. Getting help getting rid of the people in your head, taking back control of your mind. And this appointment that you will get today or tomorrow is the start of that help. I suspect that keeping that appointment and going through with it is not going to be easy. You are going to doubt. You are going to be paranoid. You are going to think that you don't need the appointment. But, if you will just be brave and trust just a little bit, enough to go to the appointment and any appointments afterwards, you will beat these demons.
